Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. (Genesis 2:24, Ephesians 5:31)
Remus Orian
In this beautiful but sometimes difficult adventure, man and woman will share their lives. Enlivened by the Holy Spirit, they will commit themselves to one another, by giving themselves entirely with an open heart, free from all selfishness. The holy connection between the spouses was raised by Christ to the dignity of the Sacrament, and this gives strength and courage to both partners to love and help one another in every challenge they may face. Similarly, they will receive the joy and availability to be co-workers in the great work of creation. All these elements have been modeled based on the nuptial image between Christ “the Bridegroom” and the Church as the “Bride of Christ”. The union of human beings through marriage binds them to the mystery of Christ and His Church, and implicitly leads each one to experiment their direct relationship with Jesus Christ. Any change in misconceiving and misunderstanding marriage leads to the distortion of the precious and eternal Sacrament. [1]
Starting from this brief analysis and considering the family as a “small church in the world” – since it is urged to live in communion and reconciliation and to exercise the mission of the whole Church to build and sanctify – we ask ourselves: Why do young adults choose not to marry?
Today, more and more young adults are looking at marriage in a very skeptical way because of external factors such as mass media or groups of friends who see it as just a formality that can transform the life of a couple into a routine. The uncertainty, expressed by one or both partners or financial problems are other factors that make young adults think twice whether they are ready to start a family.[2] Speaking about financial situations, we could say that young people see personal fulfillment as the perfect cocktail between material wealth and love.
Often, the formalization of a relationship is perceived as a barrier to professional development. Many young adults believe that once marriage is in place, children will also come in the picture, both being viewed as barriers to achieving a successful career. Marriage does not hinder success. The only element that leads to an imbalance between a successful career and family is the lack of communication and the inability to reach a common denominator.
Another reason young adults claim to be a cause to the decrease in the number of marriages is that many of them consider themselves too immature to support themselves, while the idea of financially maintaining a family becomes rather frightening. According to a study conducted last year, most people find themselves mature only after the age of 30-35 [3], and the desire to experiment combine with the fear of failure makes them apprehensive to take on this “risk.”
As far as the right age is concerned, all I can say is that this is a cliché. There is no right time. Marriage comes when you are physically and morally prepared and not at a certain ideal moment in life (when you have a good career), or in a less ideal moment (when you are the last in your friends’ circle who have remained unmarried).
It is surprising that many consider marriage itself as the factor that breeches them from their partner, reason for which they do not take this step. In this case, I cannot but emphasize the importance of pre-matrimonial preparation, the preparation accompanied by a parish priest[4].
We cannot deny the fact that we have met young people who have surpassed this moment and realized that the formalization of the relationship before the Church and before the City Hall’s marriage officiant made their union between much stronger.
Marriage is an important step in the life of a couple that helps reciprocal acceptance, making them more steadfast in face of minor conflicts, which prior to this commitment, would have been a considerable erosion of the relationship’s stability.
It is amusing the statement of many who believe that “not a piece of paper is what facilitates a lasting relationship”, because if one’s parents were not married, a strong quarrel would have split them apart. I affirm with certainty that a child from a formal marriage feels much more secure than the one born and raised in concubinage, where the feeling of instability is much more present.
Is marriage “old school”? Is this a restriction of freedom? Certainly not! Marriage must be seen beyond rules and constraints. It must be based strictly on sincere and unconditional love, trust in the significant other, mutual forgiveness and acceptance of the one another with the proverbial “good and bad”, even if they do not always think the same, and that is because, fortunately, we are all different.
Our duty is to guide young adults to the most moral choices and to bring back to people’s attention the simple yet profound fact that love and the union of partners is strictly a soul project, one that has its fulfillment in God only through MARRIAGE!
